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First of all, you. You're living a lie and its more devastating that you can ever imagine. But the thing about NOT having something is that you don't "-" it because you never had it, and don't realize what it is you're missing. Besides, this is harm you do to yourself, so its much you own business.. However, the second person harmed is your wife the one you promised to a forever. I have never seen "lie, deceive, and cheat" in any marriage vows, but perhaps you wrote your own. Alas, the reality is that you have dragged your wife into your closet and have decided for her that your lies are in her interest. How convenient. Minimally, you owe her the opportunity to decide for herself if your convenient lies are convenient for her as well. You never can tell she relish the opportunity to have sex with someone who really enjoys what she has to offer. The REALITY is that you are not the husband she bargained for, and cannot give her the and attention you promised. The REALITY is that you continue to think only of yourself instead of giving your wife the opportunity to seek a truly committed relationship. The REALITY is that you are a dishonest coward who hasn't the guts to be upfront with the person you most owe an upfront discussion. Start by handing the dildo to your wife and explaining your sexual needs. A little honesty with someone you supposedly "-" can go a way. looking for nsa anytime